Gully Dwarf Stew

Join me as I make Gully Dwarf Stew – From Tika’s Cookbook for the first time! This is a recipe from Leaves from the Inn of the Last Home sourcebook, originally released in 1987. The recipes are compiled by Tika Waylan Majere. You can buy Leaves from the Inn of the Last Home here: https://amzn.to/3FOuL2J

From Tika’s Cookbook

Although gully dwarf cuisine is known throughout
Krynn as something less than desirable, gully
dwarves seem to thrive on it. In theory their recipes
can be sound and nutritious. In practice, however,
meals served co guests tend to be unpleasant
experiences. Without the benefit of higher math
(adding numbers greater than 2), doubling a recipe
is impossible for all but the cleverest of gully
dwarves, often resulting in a dry stew without gravy,
or a watery soup without noodles. The following is a
recipe that generally serves a whole family of gully
dwarves, 4 average humans, or 1 large adventurer
who has been known to steal food off the plates of
others. We have given directions for both gully dwarf
cooks and ordinary mortals.

Meat from 2 medium-size lizards (or 2
pounds of stew meat if lizard is out of season)
2 tablespoons flour 2 times ( 1 and
and I and I or 4 tablespoons or ¼ cup)
2 potatoes and I for pot, mangled ( I
and I and I or 3 potatoes, diced)
2 carrots 2 times, stabbed (l and I
and I and I, or 4 carrots sliced)
1 stalk celery, stabbed (sliced)
2 onions, murdered (chopped)
2 bouillon cubes, crushed. (Chicken bouillon good
with lizard meat, beef bouillon for beef meat.)
2 cups water, burbled (boiling)
1 teaspoon $#@*! sauce (Worcestershire sauce)
2 tablespoons parsley, murdered (chopped)
2 cloves garlic, mashed (minced)
1 bongleberry leaf (a bay leaf may be substituted)
1 teaspoon red gunk (paprika)
1 teaspoon salt
1 sneeze black pepper (½ teaspoon)

Womp lizard over head couple times. Throw
lizard in pot. Add rest of gunk. Light big fire under
pot. Take nap. Or,••

Mix flour, sale, and pepper in cooking pot.
Trim fat from meat and cue into 1-inch cubes.
Coat meat with flour in pot. Add crushed bouillon
and water; stir. Add remaining ingredients; stir.

Cover and simmer at lowest heat for 4 to 6
hours, stirring occasionally, until meat and vegetables
are tender.
Green or blue food coloring may be added to
create a truly authentic gully dwarf look.

Transcript

Cold Open

Stew is unattractive to begin with. Add in Gully Dwarf ingredients and now it’s barely edible!

Intro

Today I am making Gully Dwarf Stew from Tika’s Cookbook in Leaves from the Inn of the Last Home. If you have made this recipe, share your thoughts in the comments below!

Discussion

Keeping in mind that Gully Dwarves cannot count past two, our ingredients for today’s recipe are: Meat from 2 medium-size lizards (I opted for stew meat), 2 tablespoons flour 2 times, 2 potatoes and I for pot, mangled, 2 carrots 2 times, stabbed, 1 stalk celery, stabbed, 2 onions, murdered, 2 bouillon cubes, crushed, 2 cups water, burbled, 1 teaspoon $#@*! Sauce, 2 tablespoons parsley, murdered, 2 cloves garlic, mashed, 1 bongleberry leaf, 1 teaspoon red gunk, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 sneeze black pepper.

I began by assembling all of the ingredients and rather than four carrots, I found two obscenely large ones. I am speeding up the preparation of the ingredients for a couple obvious reasons. The first reason is that I am not talented at food prep, I mean, my knife skills are embarrassing. And the second reason is that, it’s just not that interesting. Next I chopped the celery stick, bundled up.Then I quartered three potatoes. It recommends dicing them, but I like larger chunks of potatoes in my stew. This next step was absolute torture. These onions got the better of me. I was crying with a runny nose through this whole process of chopping them, poorly I might add. I am fortunate I didn’t lose a finger! Next I chopped some fresh parsley. We have some in our herb garden, but our weather has been off and I opted to go for store bought for this recipe. I crushed the two bouillon cubes, just to make sure they mixed into the hot water as quickly as possible. Then I minced the two cloves of garlic. With the ingredient prep work done, I was ready to start cooking.

I am using a cast iron dutch oven because once we moved to cast iron cookware, nothing else will do. I added one-fourth cup of flour, one teaspoon of salt and one half teaspoon of black pepper. I mixed them together then added the stew meat., coating the meat as much as possible. I do have a bit more meat than is called for, but that’s how our butcher packaged it. Next I added two cups of boiling water with the bouillon cubes, mixing it to help disperse the cubes. Finally I added the rest of the ingredients one at a time. The two minced garlic cloves, two tablespoons of chopped parsley, two chopped onions , three diced potatoes, one teaspoon paprika, one stalk sliced celery, four sliced carrots, one teaspoon worcestershire sauce, and one bay leaf. I mixed it all together, and set the temperature on low.

The recipe states to cook it on low simmering heat for four to six hours, or until tender, stirring occasionally. I opted to check on the stew every 30 minutes. It took us four hours before it was ready. As you can see, it’s not a particularly attractive dish, it did however taste really good. I would use more paprika, salt and pepper next time, in addition to adding some bourbon for another engaging flavor note. All in all, it was a good recipe, but nothing to write home to the Highbulp of Xak Tsaroth about.